What if...you walked away in slow motion from an exploding giraffe?

You desire to do something epic, something noteworthy, something that society will remember forever, so you've decided to gather a group of your friends, sneak into the zoo, and go blow up a giraffe. The three of you have been planning this for weeks, trying to find the best way to gather the necessary materials without attracting the attention of the Feds. Thermite, for example, is way too obvious, and they'd catch on. Plus, it wouldn't explode the giraffe so much as melt it.

This isn't going to be as easy as you thought it would be. It turns out that you can't just go to your local superstore, and buy TNT. Luckily for you, you have a close buddy who runs a fireworks stand, so that giraffe is totally going to have artillery shells blowing out of his ass.

Early on the appointed morning, you sneak into the zoo. The cameras see you but nobody reacts right away because really, How often does somebody break into the zoo to try to blow up the giraffes? One of your friends will break his leg when he jumps into the pen and misses the tree that he was aiming for. It's about a fifteen foot fall. Really though, it's okay, because he's just the camera guy, and can film the explosion from where he is.

You and your other friend sneak up to the giraffe with the home-made M-One million-billion. There's enough gunpowder in that sucker to restart the Vietnam War. The tough part is getting it on the giraffe. First, you try holding some leaves next to it to see if you can get the giraffe to swallow it. It eats the leaves and ignores the improvised explosive device. Next, you try sticking it up its ass, but for some reason the giraffe isn't okay with that either. Luckily for you, you brought your duct tape. You manage to sneak up close enough to the animal to tape it to its tail. That's going to have to do.

By this time, the zoo park guards have finally noticed you and are beginning to work their way into the pen shouting things like,

"Stop it!"

and

"Get out of there, you stupid idiot!"

The two of you quickly light the fuse, and then walk away in slow motion like you're in a movie or something. At the last second, the tail swings in your direction and the bomb explodes in your faces, peeling the skin off your cheeks and blinding you in one eye.

"Coooooooool."

You say.

You'll look over to your injured friend to see if he got it all on tape, but by then he'll have passed out from internal bleeding and shock.

Now you know.