This morning you going to win a contest that you didn't even know you had entered. It was from some unusual soda company that you had never heard of before called Bearoin.
"Feel like a bear, drink Bearoin." Was printed on the label.
You were disappointed and didn't feel all too bearish. You had opened the soda cap, drank your beverage, and thrown the bottle away, failing to notice the small print under the cap stating
"Throw this cap away for a chance to have a choir follow you around all day singing Gregorian chant"
The chanters arrive at your house and start doing their thing right at dawn, waking you to the sound of holy ancient men singing ominously in what could be Latin. When you slowly get out of bed, crack your back, and scratch yourself, everything seems to be moving in slow motion. Everything seems more interesting, more dramatic. You strike a pose while you are brushing your teeth, and raise both of your eyebrows suspiciously as you theatrically devour your Lame-Os (TM).
When you finally finish dressing yourself, you head outside and see them for the first time. There are about twenty of them, dressed in old brown robes.
"Why are you singing?" You say.
"You won a contest."
"Oh. Okay."
You get into your car, and the choir all piles into a tour bus that they had parked in the street next to your house. They roll down their windows and continue to sing while they follow you. Throughout the heavy traffic, the bus manages to stay right behind you the whole way. Every red light, the dramatic music crescendos into a peak frenzy. A guy cuts you off on the road and the choir sings in fortissimo.
When you walk into work, the choir follows you from a distance, still singing. The building security guard attempts to stop them. You explain,
"It's okay, I won a contest."
They all cram into the elevator with you. AS you go up 20 floors, they sing from a low to a high pitch,
"ooooooOOOOOOOAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
They stand outside of your cubicle and sing as you check your E-mail, as you try to make a phone call to a client, and as you walk over to the water cooler to talk about that one new Tarantino movie you haven't seen yet. Several curious employees will ask you what the deal is with the choir. You will be forced to explain the contest thing to them over and over. By the lunch hour, you'll just resort to telling people to go away.
Your boss walks up to you and attempt to have you get rid of them. You explain that you just don't have the heart, and besides, you won a contest. He threatens you with your job.
Your boss finally tells you to take the day off, to get rid of the choir. They follow you in the bus again. On the way home, you get into a terrible car accident. Your leg bends in ways that it shouldn't, and a scrap of the car's twisted wreckage penetrates just past your right eye socket.
The bus full of chanters don't get out to help you though. Instead, they'll stay on the bus, singing all the more dramatically of your pain. It makes your death solemn, memorable, and special.
The choir will not stay around for your funeral, however, because the prize only lasts for a day.
Now you know.
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