Trolling the onion part 3, the resume

In my last post, I said that I would show you the resume that I attached when I trolled The Onion editorial staff. Here it is:

Mr. Harry Wong (Ex Millionaire)

523 Broadway,

New York, NY 10012

212-627-1971 (Cell)

OBJECTIVE

My goal is to obtain a responsible position where my experience, accomplishments, and proficiency in wrestling all different varieties of bears in front of large crowds for the purposes of entertainment will allow me the opportunity for growth.

EDUCATION

Sven’s Large Animal Wrestling School Боровск, USSR (Now Russia)

M.A. Bear Wrestling

Graduated Spring 2008 4.0 GPA

Little Rock Community College Little Rock, AK (United States)

B.A. Jizz Mopping

Graduated Fall 2005 2.3 GPA

QUALIFICATIONS

1 Lit animals on fire during childhood.

2 Wrestled my dad on many occasions in youth.

3 Knowledge of Spanish

4 Can type 20 WPM

5 Frequent steroid user

6 Dresses like “Zangief” from Street Fighter

EXPERIENCE

2009-current Tex’s Rodeo and House of BBQ, Waco TX

Rodeo/Restautant

Bull Wrestler – Frequently risked life wrestling bulls both with and without clothing. Cuddled with bulls after whooping their ass.

2008-2009 McDonalds, St Michaels Church, WV

Restaurant

Burger Wrestler – Used spatula to wrestle multiple hamburgers on grill. Choked burgers into submission using clever combination of special sauce, pickles, and a sesame seed bun.

2005- 2007 At home

My Apartment

Unemployed – Spent the majority of this time jacking off.

REFERENCES AVAILABLE ON REQUEST. I CAN BACK THIS SHIT UP.