What if army ants ate your bagel?

It could be worse, I suppose. They could have destroyed your house in an attempt to devour you alive. That seems to be the expected thing that army ants would do. These ants, however, like to be unpredictable, which is quite a task considering their sheer numbers require some serious organization.

Here's how it went down. First, they formed a ladder made of ants two stories tall. From there, they used their sharp mandibles to drill a hole through the glass of your window. They climbed into your guest room, climbed down the wall onto the bed, chewed through the buzz lightyear bedsheets, climbed down the bedpost, made another ladder up to the door handle, turned the door handle, climbed down the stairs, turned toward the kitchen, and that's where your bagel was.

You had taken the bagel out of the pantry and set in on a plate. You went to look for some cream cheese in the fridge. You turn around, and sure enough, they were there, just tearing away at that bagel. It was beautiful and terrifying to watch them destroy it. Thinking that you were next, you turned to run, only to realize that they weren't coming after you. They didn't even go for your dog, or the food in the still-open fridge.

Instead, they turned around, chewed through your patio door, and went through your backyard, over your green picket fence, and disappeared into the neighbor's yard. Apparently, they just had a bagel craving.

Now you know.