You've really enjoyed your rug in the past. Once you stuck it in your mouth for creativity's sake. Another time you pulled at its delicate fibers as you OD'd on heroin. Today, however, all that history is going out the window, because your rug is gonna catch on fire.
It will start innocently. You will be blow-torching cool whip to see if it has the same consistency as golden-brown campfire marshmallows. You won't find out because some liquid flaming cool whip will drip on your rug, and your rug will start on fire instantly, thanks to your failed attempt at "scotch-guarding" your rug with hairspray.
At first, you'll dance around in an excited panic, saying "Oh geez, oh geez, what do I do?"
You will then decide to grab the rug with your hands, giving yourself second degree burns in the process, and dump the rug in your toilet. You will forget that you had attempted to clean your toilet today with rocket fuel which you bought at a pawnshop yesterday. Your house will burn down in pretty short order because somebody thought it would be creative to build an entire house out of matches.
You will escape your house with your life, but afterward you will return to your house and stick your finger in the rug. It won't taste like golden-brown marshmallows though. You will only taste hairspray.
Now you know.
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